Sunday, February 28, 2010

Rest In Peace Dustin Fante


I have not yet been able to express my emotion towards what happened at 9:08 P.M. Wednesday night February 24th 2010. I have lost someone very close to me and I don't yet believe he is gone. The impact he has made on my life has been tremendous. I didn't really realize how big of a part you played in my life. There are so many things I want to tell you. So many memories fly in and out of my head. Everytime I close my eyes I see memories playing back of good times we have had. I just want to pull you out of a picture and have you sitting next to me again with Sarah and Darrah and Joe just sitting smoking and laughing. I just want to bump into you and say hey. I want to be able to get a call from you pick my phone up and hear you say "hey are you with Sarah right now? Wanna meetup?" I want to call your phone and hear your ringback tone. There are so many things I want to do and this list can go on and on. I want one more moment with you I want to say I'm sorry. The last words I said to you were "dusty you're a low life and you don't deserve Sarah". I can't believe that that has to be the last memory i shared with you. the last moment that we had together was so angry yet you remained so calm and collected and you never were like that when it came to an argument. you loved sarah so much and I never saw anybody care for my best friend as much as you did. The things you would say to me about her were so pure and from the heart. I know that all you wanted was to be with her forever. To share every moment you had with her. She was the only thing that mattered to you . She was the world. Dusty you were one of the most caring people i had ever met. It didnt matter how much I would get on your nerves you would still always be there for me. You were forgiving and true to your friends. I will never forget any of the times I have spent with you. The laughs we have shared and just the unreal moments of what a true friend is. You have opened my eyes to a lot of things. I just wish that I could have learned all of this with you still alive and with us. I can't accept that you are gone at all. I feel as though I will wake up and it would be one of those mornings after a fat party at my house or your house and I'd walk into my parents room to find you and sarah and that room always reeking of weed because you forgot to take it out of your pocket. The morning after a party was always the best cause it was like we were a huge family and you and sarah were the mama and the papa. We have had so many bad moments but all of the millions of amazing moments have over come those bad ones. I never knew this would happen to a friend this close to me and I wish that there was some way any way that I could take everything back and for you to be okay and just ready to hang out and have a good time again. Dusty I have never met someone as genuine as you and I will treasure all of the times we had. You are always in my thoughts and i love you and miss you so much I can't stand it. I would do anything just to see you again and act as though nothing had ever happened. I miss you and I can't wait to see you again one day soon. Take care of all of us and I know you are looking down at us and protecting us. We are looking up at you and talk about you everyday. See you soon Dustin. I will never forget you.
Dustin Koji Fante
11/2/89-2/24/10

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Maya.

I miss you.
israel
israel
israel
israel
israel
israel
israel
israel
israel
israel
israel
israel
israel
israel
israel
israel
israel
israel
israel
israel
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israel
israel
israel
israel
israel
israel
israel
israel
israel
israel
israel
israel
israel
israel
israel
i miss you.

thats us but we are better looking.

israel

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Marijuana



I don't want to lie anymore. Everyone I smoke bud. I smoke a lot of bud. I don't want to be judged I don't want to be put down. It's annoying as fuck having to hide it. But I'm a gypsy and I can't help it I have to smoke the ganja. I have been on so much medication lately I feel like bud only levels me out. Yeah yeah I know I sound stupid and like every other "stoner" But I can not lie and I can not lie to you people anymore. Im a marijuana smoking gypsy and that's all I have to say. I wish I was sitting on the beach with my toes in the sand smoking and listening to the grateful dead all day. And eating delicious fruit. -Gypsy.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Anxiety


Taking over my life. Trapped. Fearful.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Sudden realization.

Death. Have you ever been sat down and told if you don't treat this problem you're going to die? Do you understand how scary that is? "Olivia if you don't get your asthma treated you will end up dying" that's what was said to me today in the doctors office. I was then given drugs that might make me have an allergic reaction. Put on more drugs that might make me crazy. Given even more drugs that if the other drugs make me crazy take these drugs to even myself out. Then more proair more qvar. What are they going to do next? Oh and I might get addicted to the pills that will mellow me out if I don't take the with care. I can't take my concerta because that might fuck me up. So no concentration for me for a while. I'm like a human tester. Let's see what we can put Olivia onto next. Maybe one day I'll have my own room in kaiser permanente. The best part of this check up was the doctor put my mom in her place. It was awesome I love this doctor. Btw I got a shot in the butt today. By an Asian. Who hates getting shots too. So cross your fingers that I'm finally treating my asthma correctly and that my treatment keeps my alive. Stay away from the white light. Only good is up ahead.