Sunday, April 18, 2010

Never will this wish come true.

I can't do it anymore. This whole life thing just is not working out for me. Every corner I turn there is something new that hurts me. Everytime I see a happy couple another memory is lost. I think to myself it's not that big of a deal suck it up. But it is. The feeling of this gicantic hole begining taken out of my life is the most dreadful thing. The momements I'll never see again. A real family that I won't have again. It's all taken. The relationship between father and daughter has been slowly abandon. Nothing will be like it used to. I wish there was something I could do. Anything. I just want that feeling of security again. I've lost where my home is. One moment I'll be alright as my day goes on and not one thing will cross through my head but it takes the smallest of things to bring that back. I can't even go to my best friends
house cause it's too hurtful to see how happy her parents are. I can't be around friends cause all I get are fakes, hypocrites, and liars. I do not know what has happened to my friends. We have all driffted. I feel as though we were so close when dusty passed and now we have parted. I just can't deal with people who only care for themself and are complete assholes. You always look for the next best thing and it's so disgusting to look at how badly people are followers. I just want my life back. I want to go back to march 28th and instead of my dad not being allowed at the house, that my parents would have been able to celebrate 23 years of marriage instead of the next 33 years of there lifes divorced. All I want in the whole wide world is for my dad to love my mom again. I want my parents back. I want my fucking life back. It's so god damn frustrating that I can't have that back ever. So here I'll sit. Crying and writing a blog about how I wish dreams could come true.

2 comments:

  1. Hey. I know we rarely ever talk anymore, but from an old friend, I know divorce is hard. I know it's really hard, because it's something you're completely affected by but have little control over. But you need to know that marriage is one of the most difficult things in the world, and if your parents can't do it, then the future will be so much more comfortable for everyone. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this, and it makes me so sad to see you sad. I remember how carefree and happy we were that one day at 3rd street. You're beautiful and funny and loving and strong. I've been through divorce and custody cases, so please know that I'm here if you ever want to get coffee and talk about anything. I miss you a lot.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you so much louisa. Miss you and love you too.

    ReplyDelete