It's so..

Up and down with you. One moment you text me nonstop for two days the next you barely talk to me. YOu say you like me you say all of this stuff but you don't show it. This is going nowhere and i won't be putting up with this for much longer. We talk we argue we stop. Can we not find an in between to this? It's so aggravating that I tell you how I feel and it means nothing. You want all of this to work out then why arent you trying?! You say I'm up and down, no you are the one who is up and down. Make your mind up about me. Time is running out. Soon enough I won't even be around for you to even tell me hi.

What's going on?

I don't even know what is going on around me. The blandness of my days is killing me. The thought of living in San Francisco is running further and further away from me. Senior year? doesn't even feel like it. I feel like I am already not a teenager and im not even 18 years of age. I feel as though I should be let to do more things although i wish I couldn't as well. The thoughts fluttering in my head about relationships, girls, guys, people, no one, fake, wants, needs, restrictions. When does it end when does it begin? Or does it ever begin? I can almost hear that song. You know that song when you walk down that long footbal, field to sit down and wait to finally move that tassel to the other side and finally say the most cliche thing ever " we did it class of 2010" but it's all worth it right? because we really did do it. we graduated. we sat through the 55 minute classes 5 days a week 10 monthes a year for 4 years. the tests, quiz's, book reports, essays, projects, vocab tests, flash cards, text books, detentions, saturday schools, gross cafeteria food, plays, choir concerts, rallys, football games, dance concerts, p.e. finals, governement glasses, math, english, bio, AP, honors, cp, standard. we did it. all of it. so whats the next page? lets just wait for that day. until then i will be waiting here at my desk for that change for the last few strides of being a teen, the last tears, the last days, until june when we all say those goodbyes and part. till then i'm here. waiting.

not again.

youre back in my life again.
its happening.
that thing you do.
not good.

Days

I love everyday that I have been blessed with. I love the people I have been blessed with. I love the parents and sister I have been blessed with. I am so happy with everything. I hope it stays like this for a while. I finally found two people who could actually be a best friend to me. I like my job. I like school. I like my volunteering. I love these girls.

I want it back.

It's been too long since I wrote on this, and that makes me sad. Wow every time I write a blog it feels like forever. I have so much to say. I say that every time too. Well summer blew by. I miss it. Even though it feels like I am most def still in it. I go to school from 8-10. If you ever thought something felt amazing. You havent gotten out of school 2 hours later from when you started. Cause that, that feels amazing. I started my first day of educational aid. It's just what i needed and suspected. I went back to my old elementary school and my 6th grade teacher didn't recognize me and was blown away when she found out it was me. The class I am helping in is my old 2nd grade teacher. It is basically perfect. I had a great first day there. I can't wait to see my other old teachers. School is more then perfect. I love my classes. Work is UHHHMAAAZZZING! I work with sarah which is so much fun! Speaking of work I have to be there soon. I hope to start writing in this on a regular again.